The GI Wrath of Healthy Eating

So for the last few days I've made a huge stride with my eating habits. I'm eating salads and lots of vegetables and clean proteins and less soda and significantly less carbs. I'm proud of myself for each choice, I do a little celebratory dance inside with each meal and think "I am one meal closer!" I'm feeling better. I'm feeling more energetic. My palate is cleansing and is more sensitive and is changing.

All of that is just fine and dandy!

But there is a very dark side to changing ones eating habits that no one talks about...

No one talks about the intense stomach cramps that come from having all this fiber and protein and vitamins and minerals in your system that you're not used to having... The kind of cramps that have you doubling over in your chair.  The kind of cramps that have you wondering how much time you're going to be on the toilet later that night.

And then there's the gas pains. I can't attest to pregnancy/labor pains, but gas pains are the worst for someone who's never had a child.  HORRIBLE gas pains.  And thus HORRIBLE gas.  Gas that has you working on your kegels and sphincter control to avoid public embarrassment. Gas that has you excusing yourself to step outside for just a minute and then praying no one comes through the door to witness the symphony.

Then, there's the time you get to spend inspecting and questioning your bathroom decor/wall paint color and the cleanliness of that same bathroom as you sit on a certain throne. Where did that hair in the corner come from? How have I never noticed the amount of dust that has accumulated where the floor meets the wall -- I really need to get in there with a tooth brush. And then I wish I'd brought my phone into the bathroom with me -- at least that way I could watch a movie on Netflix while I...wait.

Everything changes when you change your eating habits. EVERYTHING. Taste buds. Cravings. Cramps. Smells. Textures. It all changes.

And let me tell you just how disappointing it is when you step on the scale (after all the stomach pains and gas pains and spending ALL.THAT.TIME on the throne and wondering if your brain is also being pooped out) and you look down at that tiny little number for your weigh in and see that all those good choices that led to that discomfort and time and all that poop did NOTHING to your weight.  REALLY biology??? At least give me a "good job" half pound credit! Geesh.