Self Talk

I've been off my game the last few days.  I've not been as focused or determined to meet goals this week.

This is my cycle. I set goals. I'm determined and focused and motivated. Then about 3/4 of the way through one phase, I lose steam. I lose interest. I slack off. I get lazy. I procrastinate. I opt for convenience and comfort over the right choices.  I circle the drain and then go down the drain -- my goals given up in frustration that "I'll never be able to actually do this."

It's a vicious cycle. It's a frustrating cycle.

Victory. Defeat. Despair.

I want to break the cycle. I'm just not totally sure how. I know a lot of it, like 99% of it is about changing my mindset. And with that comes changing my self talk.

A video popped up on my facebook feed earlier this week.
It was a really hard video to watch because of how real and honest and accurate it was. Because of how close to home it actually hit.
I sat in my chair at work watching this short three minute video and my world slowed down, everyone else faded away, and tears were streaming down my face as I watched:

That inner self talk is what I'm battling. It's what's holding me back.
It's nothing but myself.
I am holding myself back.  Every single time.
Every single time I derail and give up, its because of this. Because I don't like myself. Because I don't believe in myself. Because I tell myself I'm a failure, it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

This is why I have been off this week. This is why I have not stayed on my workout schedule. This is why I'm eating convenience/junk food. This is why I've bloated back up.  This is where I would normally give up. This is where I want to give up.

But I don't want to give up. I don't want to keep living this cycle. I don't want that to be my inner dialogue. I don't want to see myself as a failure and as unworthy.

If only I had been skinnier, he wouldn't have cheated.
I'd be more successful if I were 15 pounds lighter.
He only tells me I'm hot to make me feel better about myself.

How do I make it stop?

One thing I like about me (a new ending to every post to help change this attitude): I'm digging in this time and trying to go against the tide of defeat, negativity, shame, and failure.