expecting the gold treatment without giving the gold treatment

Do you ever go through periods in your life where you feel different, more distant -- from people you've been around for years, in situations that are no stranger to you, you have higher social anxiety and are just generally more awkward and uncomfortable?

I'm in one of those periods right now. I can't exactly explain it, but I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable. At work, around people I've worked with for two years now, I fall into social anxieties and fears of judgments. I suddenly don't know what to say or how to interact with people.

I kind of feel like I'm floating - from one obligation to the other. Going through the motions. Distant. Disconnected. And extremely emotional. No, I'm not pregnant. I'm doing all this reflection, reminiscing, wishing I'd done things differently in the last 10 years and taken better care of myself. I get sucked into cycles of worst case fears, what-ifs, questioning whether I'm living up to my potential, wondering if I'm a fool for some of the decisions I've made.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. And while I have developed some thicker skin, there are still too many times when that skin is thin. And the hurt is deep.

I had a wonderful upbringing. I was "brought up right" to respect others, treat others well, accept others, and help others. But I was also brought up to be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser, a "yes woman", was the only way my mother had a positive relationship with me. Any question, challenge, personal struggle and I was told I was a devil child. And those scars have deep and lasting impacts.

As a result of being a people pleaser, I put way too much stock in what other people think of me. So when I hear that someone doesn't like me, or has complained on me, or thinks I'm lazy, etc -- it's literally soul crushing to me.

And that happened today.
What makes it worse is that although I will take responsibility for being "curt," "to the point," and "all business" to someone, they take that to be rude and then won't take responsibility for their actions.
It is what it is and I know I'm getting into my own head about it. That I really just need to let it go. I promise I'm doing that tonight as I process my emotions and my reactions.

My point is that as humans, we expect others to fit a certain mold. We demand that everyone around us treat us with extreme respect, excessive friendliness, and to honestly just not be authentic. But when someone responds in any way that doesn't fit this mold, they're termed rude, a bitch, cold, uncaring. Few people these days give the benefit of the doubt, give passes ("Maybe they're having a rough week"), or compassion. We claim to live by the golden rule "Treat others as you would have them treat you" but don't self-reflect on how we're treating others (expecting the gold treatment without giving the gold treatment).

This world is too full of offense, self-righteousness, and entitlement. There is not enough humility, compassion, or patience.

And while I work hard to be the change I wish to see - I (and everyone else on this planet) am human and am from time to time allowed to be wary, worn, tired, and to the point. That does not make me rude, uncaring, cold, or a bitch.