I'm a December baby. So the holiday season is extra exciting for me. We have a holiday centered around food and family (Thanksgiving). Followed by another holiday that is supposed to be centered around joy and hope thanks to the birth of our Savior (if you haven't read my blog, read it here: I'm Christian). There's lights, music, decorations, fireplaces, hot coco, coats and scarves, shopping for the perfect gift, gatherings and celebrations.
I suppose that it's natural that as you get older, the holiday season loses some of its sparkle. You see the holidays through glasses that highlight the realism of the holidays: each gathering requires you to bring some sort of covered dish (one that you have to choose that will please a large group of people and will mesh with what everyone else is bringing, one that you then have to remember to grocery shop for, one that you then need to prepare and display nicely), gifts (which means you are expected to spend money, and a lot of times that comes with a lot of pressure to spend lots of money, and also a lot of times "spending caps" are not established or are not followed, which means that you then have pressure to find the perfect gift for someone that doesn't look "too cheap"), and you have to dress nicely/festively (and lets be honest: this is not the time of year where you are at your thinnest, so all of your clothes suddenly feel too tight and not right for each occasion).
And that is for EACH gathering. If you're anything like me, you already have at least three Christmas parties on the calendar. Three covered dishes. Three gifts (which usually means $25 each -- which means $75 total). Three too-tight outfits.
Add in social anxiety and suddenly these Christmas parties/gatherings of friends is not so fun anymore.
Then you've got the family traditions, gatherings, and expectations.
I'm not sure what your family is like, but with us, it's mass chaos. On my husbands side, there is a gathering with all of the children/grandchildren on his paternal grandmothers side (read: covered dish, gifts for grandma - $25 minimum, and another too-tight outfit), a gathering with all the children/grandchildren on his maternal grandfathers side (read: gifts for grandparents -$25 minimum per person, another too tight outfit), a gathering with his parents (read: gifts for the parents $25 minimum per parent, gifts for my brother in law - $25, gifts for the niece - $25).
On my side, there is a gathering at my house with my sister/future brother in law/nephew, and divorced parents (which is always a lot of super fun awkwardness/tension). We have 1 spare bed. Which means someone sleeps on an air mattress in the craft room and someone sleeps on the couch. That's 6 adults, 1 child, and 2 dogs in a 1400 square foot house for a week. It's a lot for two people (my husband and I) who like our space, our quiet, our privacy, and prefer to stay away from the drama. This gathering also means that we house them, provide food for them (very large grocery bill), entertain them (praying that minute to win it games will be a hit this year), anticipate and provide for their needs, oh and gifts for everyone (and even at a measly $25 per person.... That's $125 minimum). Then another drive to my grandparents for a day visit with them ($50 for their gifts because they like gift cards).
Then you've got your long-time-friend gift exchanges. With those friends who you love and treasure and have kept up with for years. I've got 4 of them. Another $100.
Oh and the decorating? Try having a husband who hates pulling out the Christmas decorations, complains almost the entire time, and doesn't really help. See how fun and joyful that becomes...
So you can see how easy it is for me to get overwhelmed with the pressure of expectations during the holiday season... And maybe you can see how hard it can be for me to maintain the Christmas spirit and joy during the season.
At the moment of authoring this blog post, I'm more in misery over the season than I am in joy.
But as I talk myself off the ledge of misery, I remember that I've told everyone that I'm cutting back this year. Gifts will be fewer, smaller, but still thoughtful. Gifts will be mostly handmade. I'm choosing to provide paper products or veggie trays instead of elaborate finger foods (that I really do enjoy making, just not during the holiday season). And I've bought new pants that fit no matter what state of bloat I'm in, and I've got loose/flowy/comfy shirts to wear with them.
I've done all that I can to avoid the misery of the season... It is what it is and I just have to grit my teeth and survive.
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