I have had a lot on my mind these last few days. A LOT.

        I've been at my current job now for a year and a half. I love love love what I do. I haven't worked at the hospital now in several months -- the two schedules just haven't been lining up for me to do so. And the last week or so, I've received lots of text messages asking if I can work at the hospital on certain days. And my reaction to those text messages is very telling...
         When I think about working at the hospital, I do not react positively. I am filled with complete and total dread. I don't want to go and work there at all. I dread the pressure. I dread the stress. I dread the negativity. I dread that because of the pressure and stress, that I will be drenched in sweat by the end of the day. I dread criticisms. I dread not doing a good enough job. I dread the drive. I dread the relentless nature of that place. I always feel like I've been chewed up and spat back out by the end of the day.
          If I were to stop working there, that reaction would be removed. I would not have to worry about it. But if I stop working there, then I would not have an opportunity to continue practicing. To keep my skills at least moderately sharp. I can maintain my licensure without working, but if I were to need to go back to that profession at any time, would that make me a less interesting candidate? And if I stopped working at the hospital, I don't know of many places that would want to hire someone that only wants to work 1-2 days a month.
          I don't want to give up my PTA license or that "back up plan." I worked too hard to earn it. But I also don't think I want to continue working at the hospital. I just don't know what to do...