We are knee deep into the Christmas season now. And this is the first Christmas in a LONG time where I just haven't been in the spirit. I didn't care to put up lights or the tree or any decorations. And when Daniel and I finally did put up lights, we did the basics. And when we finally did put up the tree, I honestly didn't even care that there was an eight inch wide swath of the tree where the lights were dead, and I didn't even bother to hang any ornaments on the tree this year. To complete the "I don't care" Christmas mood, gift shopping has been scaled way back. I'm talking smaller budgets and simpler gifts. Lots of gift cards this year (which would normally annoy me as they're "impersonal" and "lazy" -- even though I love to get them). And we're just doing baked goods for extended family members. $10 gift limits on the kids in the family (all 10 kids in the family). So yeah. Simple is the name of the game this year.
I think a part of my apathy for Christmas this year has a lot to do with the Christmas schedule. Christmas has become out of control with the number of events and gatherings. Daniels family alone has four -- TWO for his parents (I admire that they want to include my brother in laws new girlfriend and have to have a separate gathering due to custody agreement, but it's just more pressure/stress on Daniel and I; not to mention the now added social pressure to purchase gifts for someone we've only met three times). Then a whirlwind road trip (4 hours each way) to my grandparents for the day (because they're grumpy and don't do well with overnight visitors and we're too cheap to get a hotel room). Then two work Christmas parties (one for each of our departments). Then our Sunday School Christmas party. That's eight Christmas gatherings in about 2 weeks. And doesn't include Daniel and I doing something together for Christmas.
It's just too much. We took off a week of work between my birthday and Christmas with the intention of being able to enjoy Christmas. But our schedule has become so full, there really won't be much time off. Not to mention we'd planned on using that week to really get some serious work done in the nursery. But there won't be much time for that either.
That's a lot of complaining. And to balance it out, I do want to have it mentioned that I am so grateful for the people that we have in our lives and how blessed we are that so much of Daniels family is close and wants to get together frequently. There just doesn't seem to be much balance... I'm seriously considering skipping the work parties and one of the in laws gatherings. That will make it feel much more manageable and way less stressful.
While we're knee deep in the Christmas season, my mind keeps drifting and focusing on New Years. Which is kind of surprising to me. The thought of New Years doesn't usually hit me until after Christmas and then it's a last minute mad dash to figure out what I want out of the new year. But apparently not this go around!
My mind is so full of the possibilities of a fresh start in 2019. I keep asking myself what I want my goals to be, what I want to focus on, what I want to accomplish, what word(s) I want to declare as my "Words of the Year."
One goal I have for 2019 is to train and prepare for my first ever half marathon. I'll be going from pregnant to post-partum to half marathon in 10 months. I've already registered, so this is something I'm definitely doing, but I want to try and be as prepared as I can be and not just "wing it" or show up without training and settle for "just" walking it.
Another goal I have is to eat out less. That probably seems small or silly, but it's a habit I need to break/reduce/minimize. It has a very negative effect on my budget!
I'm toying with a couple of words to define my year -- debating between Thankful and Grateful. I know, basically the same word. I just haven't decided which one I want to really settle on. But a part of that is extending my gratitude to others for their roles and impact on my life. I want to make at least one person a month feel special, appreciated, valued for who they are in a way that maybe they haven't been recognized before. It won't be a big gesture -- just a nice hand written card, but one that comes deep from the heart.
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