Meet People Where They Are

I don't consider myself to be a sage woman. I believe I'm too young to be wise. But I do believe that I am different than most people my age.

You see, I am what I consider an observer. I watch people very closely. I notice trends and behaviors and attitudes and beliefs -- even when they aren't spoken.

I have been asked so many times how it is that I can be so patient and accepting of people who are hard to deal with. Who may be immature. Or extremely self-centered. Or demanding. Or rude. Or anything, really.

My husband has asked me this so many times. My coworkers have asked. My friends have asked. And the answer is simple: I meet that person where they are.

We are all on different journeys in this life. Different experiences. Different failures. Different insecurities. Different struggles. And if someone is behaving a certain way, there is a reason for it. Someone who is selfish and only makes endless demands of you may be in the middle of misery, a mental health issue, or is struggling to accept how their life turned out. Someone who is "too slow" is overwhelmed and dealing with a lot in their personal life.

It's not about making excuses for the other person. It's about understanding them. It's about looking deeper than the surface, caring about what the history/background is. You can't demand someone change for you. You can't expect something from someone that isn't true to who they are.  You have to dig and determine where they are and meet them there. Accept that that is where they are. Respect it. Accept them for who they are, where they are. This is a way of loving people

Jesus called us to love our neighbor, and this is how we do that. We meet them where they are. We leave out the judgment. We don't have to like everyone we meet. We don't have to be a doormat for everyone. Boundaries are okay. Boundaries don't negate another persons worth. You can still meet and accept people for who they are at a distance.

I'm going to use a personal example. I have a family member who is extremely demanding of me. The relationship I have with this person seems to be dependent upon how much I give them or how much they receive. For a long time, I sought this persons acceptance, approval, love, and relationship -- and they only way they gave an inkling of what I longed for from them was if and when I gave them what they wanted: money, material things, for me to take care of them so they didn't have to take care of themselves. For several years, I gave and gave and gave. I took their insults, accepted the numerous times they blamed me for the state of our relationship, ignored their back handed compliments, bent over backwards for their schedule, gave them what they expressed they wanted (money to spend time with another family member) (money) (housing). I was a walking doormat whose emotional state continued to spiral as their negativity and demands increased.

It would have been easy to call this person a leech. Selfish. Using me for their own gain. But instead, I accepted this person for who they were: deeply deeply hurt. This persons life didn't turn out the way they wanted it to. And instead of accepting responsibility and working to change their status, they chose to point fingers, blame, and be consumed with bitterness. I have come to a point where I'm no longer a doormat for them, and have established boundaries with them, but I love them still. I answer the phone if they call. I continue to pray for them. I would love to spend time with them. But I've also recognized that this person doesn't see me as anything more than another person to blame, point fingers to, and ask for money from. And I've made peace with that. I let go of my judgment and bitterness towards them.

I have coworkers who drive most people nuts. They're "too slow" or "don't know what they're doing." But I see them in a different lens. They have an extremely demanding, rocky, and unsteady personal life. They've had heart break after heart break. They can't emotionally get ahead. Accept them for who they are, where they are.

It's easy to jump to judgment. I fail often at not judging. But I always come circling back to meeting people where they are. And my life is more balanced when I do.