I know I say this a lot, but it's amazing to me how much things can change with the drop of a hat. In 19 days since my last post, I feel like a lot of my life has been turned upside down, shaken, and scrambled.
In 19 days, my faith, patience, boundaries, and morals have been tested to a level I didn't think they could be.
I want to spill my heart out about everything that has happened in 19 days, but I can't. Because a large chunk of what has happened is not my story to tell. I am involved deeply in the story, but it's not mine to tell. And I struggle with that, because this is a place that I come to work through my feelings and my life.
To sum up the changes: my sister, her 18 month old son, and her 11 year old black lab are currently staying with my husband and I for the foreseeable future. We had about 2 days notice before this occurred, and those days we were working and had no time to prepare the house for our now houseguests. Then our two days off were spent in a whirlwind of moving out and moving in.
In the midst of moving her, our youngest dog attacked her dog. And we had to make the impossible and heart breaking decision to put our dog down. It was the worst night of my life. Our girl Bella was our cuddle bug. Our protector. Our shadow. Our emotional support animal. Our bed hog. She was our running encourager. She was the door greeter -- her whole body would wag when you came home, she was always so happy and excited to see you. She was such an integral part to our lives...
We took no time off of work in the middle of all this, so it was right back to work. And while we are trying to keep our own lives on track, I have been pushed and pulled in so many directions. I have been challenged in my own home. I have been disrespected in my own home. I have been ignored, excluded, and left out of plans in my own home. It's been very hard establishing boundaries and motivating life changes.
Not to mention that during this time was Christmas. As a result of everything going on, our holiday shopping and festivity attendance suffered. Daniel fell ill with the stomach flu just two days after we put Bella down. Then I came down with it a week after we put Bella down and had to miss two days of work due to vomiting and having diarrhea. The truck battery died yesterday and had to be replaced. The lock on the back door stopped working (which means we went ahead and changed out ALL the locks for the exterior doors). And we're in the middle of the coldest weather we've had yet this year.
It really truly feels like we can't win or get ahead this month.
But it would be so easy for me to focus on all the chaos and negativity around me. That's what the devil wants. He wants me to be miserable and distracted and bitter. But he won't win that battle!
Despite everything that has happened this month, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude to God - who has helped us through every step of this and has affirmed our choices and our decisions. Gratitude to strangers, whose little acts of kindness that might usually go un-noticed has been more than noticed, and has even brought me to tears on multiple occasions (who knew a waitress offering me a to go cup at a restaurant that never offers them could make me cry?). Gratitude for my friends, support system, and prayer warriors -- who have been with me every step of the way and have helped me by listening, praying, and advising. Gratitude for the MULTITUDE of blessings God has given me, that has put me in the position to where I can do things -- for myself and for others. Gratitude for the generosity that has been shown to us. We have secured a crib at no cost to us. We have received financial Christmas gifts that have helped ease the strain of the unexpected costs. We continue stepping out in faith and our faith continues to be rewarded. I am overwhelmed at those who exchanged gifts with us -- the gifts that were received were thoughtful, but shortly after receiving many of them, those same thoughtful gifts became lifelines (Daniel got me a Roku Stick for the master bedroom TV and the next day I fell ill with the stomach flu; and that stick provided peace, distraction, and entertainment while I was ill) (My friend gave me a gift card for yoga) (Lowes gift cards given to allow us to get new bathroom vanity lights allowed us to mostly pay for the exterior locks). I just can't stop thinking to myself how grateful I am. I can't stop thinking "I am blessed far beyond what I deserve." I can't stop giving God the glory.
There is still so much to do. So much to be figured out. So many obstacles and fences. But it feels so good to be able to say that we've made it this far.
If you're reading this, I would ask that if you pray, to please continue to pray for my immediate family. We are facing things we've never faced. And we will only be able to claim victory with God's help.
No comments:
Post a Comment