Self Care

 I don't have my journal handy, and frankly I'm too comfortable in bed to get up and go get it, turn on the light, and start writing. So here I am. 

Lately I have been ALL ABOUT the self care. I have truly expanded my understanding of what constitutes self care and how I pursue it. I used to think that self care was only in the luxury (i.e. expensive) things -- massages, getting my nails done, going on trips, going out to a fancy restaurant, etc. While all those things certainly can/do fit into the concept of self care, I've learned that self care is really about doing all the little things on a daily basis that are easy to neglect but are important for your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being.

For me right now, these things include: 

- Skin care. I have delved into the world of KBeauty, which promotes natural products and products that help boost hydration levels to promote healthier skin to reduce aging/wrinkles. It's a 5-7 step process, which initially for me was very overwhelming. Especially considering I didn't have a skin care routine. My moisturizer was some cheap thing from the shelf of walmart. Terrible. So terrible. Slowly I am being introduced to a world of skin care. It's still overwhelming and I haven't perfected it, but I am doing more for my skin than I ever have. And honestly -- while I still have kinks to work out, I know I'm doing right by my skin and it's become a luxury habit of mine. 

- Exercising 30 mins a day. I've removed the pressure to make every workout intense. I've removed the pressure to make sure my workouts are properly "split". That required too much thinking. Too much planning. Too much perfectionism, which meant that if it wasn't perfect, I wasn't even going to try. Which meant I wasn't exercising like I should! Talk about backfiring. So I took out all the rules. Just be active for a moderate intensity for 30mins a day. That included house cleaning. Gardening. Walking. Yoga. HIIT workouts. T25. Zumba. Circuit workouts. ANYTHING COUNTS. And it's become an important habit that has helped keep me mentally clear/sharp, and a regular outlet for my big emotions that I don't know how to process. It's also often become a family activity -- I'm always suggesting a walk or a workout or some house chore, where the whole family ends up participating. So we get quality time together.

- Flossing 3x/week. That sounds like a silly goal. But it's a real goal for me. Taking care of my teeth makes me feel more confident. I know that it's something I need to do and it feels good to regularly do something that will maintain my physical health and the health of my smile.

- Reading 20mins/day. Now this is hard to do on my weekends off with my family or when I'm on vacation. But when I'm in my normal workday routine, this is a lovely mini vacation from my stress. Sometimes I accomplish this in the car when I get to work early. Sometimes it's on my break at work. Sometimes it's in bed before sleep. But it's always inspiring and encouraging and helps keep me focused/on track (note: I am reading self help books; currently Atomic Habits  by James Clear; which I totally recommend, by the way)

- Daily bible study. Okay. This is the one goal that I'm being the least consistent with. But I continue to have it as a goal because when I remember to incorporate a daily devotional (I use a devotion on my YouVersion Bible App), it really makes a difference in my mood! It keeps me grounded. Keeps me honest. Keeps me positive. 

- Regular journaling. This typically occurs after I finish my reading. I'm so inspired by what I read that I take notes on my reading, reflect on my notes, then reflect on my emotions/life. This has been a super positive re-addition to my routines!

That's where my self care goals/routines are now. But I'm also working at being better about having the hard/difficult conversations with people in my life that I need to have. And I'm learning how to have these conversations in a way that is productive; where it's not me emotionally dumping on them, criticizing them, or demeaning them. It's an honest but open expression of how I'm feeling. I'm getting better at this as I practice it! And I'm learning that conflict is hard but it doesn't always have to be a nuclear explosion (of course this depends on the other person coming into the conversation with the same aim -- resolution, not war). 

I think the next area of my life that I'd really like to have fun with is my hair. I've never spent much time on my hair and have never truly learned how to do anything with it, how to treat it, etc. I've been introduced to the curly girl method of hair care and I am fascinated by all of it! Much like KBeauty, it's all about using natural products that enhance moisturization for better hair health/quality to facilitate natural styles, and to minimize hair damage. Sign me up, right?! It's a lot to learn tho. A lot of methods. Maintenance takes time and effort. So does styling. So I'm a bit anxious, but I know in the end it will be worth it. So I'm currently obsessed with watching YouTube videos and learning about all the techniques and cheap/beginner products. My first shipment of CGM approved products begins arriving tomorrow and I'm excited to start experimenting. 

Now if only I could put such effort and success into losing weight!

Things I am Looking Forward To in the Next Days/Weeks/Months....

• Being able to roll over in bed with (more) ease
• Less heart burn/acid reflux
• Being able to lay on my stomach again
• Sushi
• Raw cookie dough
• WINE
• COCKTAILS
• My clothes fitting better/my clothes fitting again
• My shoes fitting again (seriously -- being limited to birkenstock clogs is pretty awful)
• My socks fitting again
• My feet and ankle swelling reducing/going away
• Total body swelling reducing/going away
• Being able to walk then run again
• Getting my lung capacity back
• Being able to workout again
• Being able to put on and tie my own shoes without assistance
• Being able to put on underwear and pants easier
• Meeting my son and becoming a mother

What is it with me and late night blog posting? LoL!

We are in the home stretch of the pregnancy... Just a few short weeks are left, which is pretty hard to believe. I came down with a terrible cold last week that completely and totally knocked me on my rear end. It was also a valuable lesson on how modern medicine approaches a pregnant lady who is also sick. I had three doctor appointments during this time, one of which was to Urgent Care early on during the cold, and at all three, the doctors basically refused to give me anything to help nip this illness in the bud. At Urgent Care they told me to talk to my OB as they wouldn't give me anything. The first OB appointment she shrugged off my complaints as just a simple cold. The second OB appointment she heard me cough in the hall but didn't even bother to listen to my lungs or ask about my other symptoms, and so she prescribed me the most useless cough "pearls" and wrote off all other symptoms, cutting me off as she was running behind. After one night of the cough "pearls," I called the OB back and said that the pearls were ineffective and asked if there was another option. When the nurse called me back (she was a nurse for another OB in the practice), she said that her OB was going to prescribe me a Z Pack and some Tussin-X. Meanwhile, at this point, I'd been seriously sick for a WEEK with no one listening or offering any of these options to me. I was told repeatedly to suffer through it. Meanwhile the illness was getting progressively worse. I went from a simple sore throat to a sore throat with a sinus infection; to a sore throat/sinus infection/laryngitis; to a sore throat/sinus infection/laryngitis/bronchitis and possible start of walking pneumonia before they'd give me a Z Pack and Tussin-X. So freaking ridiculous. And because they refused to treat the sinus infection, it's now traveled to my lungs and I get to attempt to cough up mucous from my lungs with already sore abs from blowing my nose with a big old baby belly in the way.

I was so sick that I was out of work for an entire week, which is unheard of for me. I've lost my voice for 5 days now, which is also unheard of for me. And on top of all of that, the cough/sore throat/sinus congestion prevented me getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. I am exhausted. M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E doesn't even begin to cover it.

I'm going to attempt going back to work today, though I don't know how it's going to go. We'll see.




But otherwise, the nursery is done/ready. We combined gift cards to get the dressers. The wall art has been hung. The diaper bags have been packed. So whenever this kiddo decides to make his entrance, we're as ready as we're going to be.

Sleep Deprived Ramblings

It's 5:13am as I write this, and I've been up since 2:10am. My sleep schedule is totally messed up, which I'm half blaming on my husbands alarm clock yesterday morning (he set it for 4:30am on a Saturday!). Which meant that it woke me up while he rolled over and went right back to sleep. I didn't get a nap until we got home last night when I accidentally fell asleep at 5pm and woke up at 8:30pm. Messed up sleep schedule, indeed!

Of course, being 34 weeks pregnant isn't helping my sleep... I'm waking up every 1.5-2 hours to go to the bathroom. I'm tossing/turning because I can't get comfortable. And my SI joint is killing me -- I have got to stop running, as this inflames the issue. I just hate to give it up... Running is something I'm so motivated to do. But I pay for it for days every time I do it. I think it's time to give it up until after the baby arrives and until after I heal from delivery.

It's hard for me to believe that we're in the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. The next two weeks are very busy... This weekend are two of our baby showers. Wednesday is maternity photos. Thursday is another ultrasound. The next weekend I have off will be the last baby shower. That will bring me to the final 4 weeks of pregnancy. Which are supposedly the longest and most uncomfortable. During which, Valentines Day will come and go.

The nursery has been painted and the crib assembled. We unloaded the first car load of baby goodies from the first shower yesterday. But I didn't have the energy to get in there and organize anything. So everything is still in bags and boxes. We are still lacking some sort of changing table.... I had registered for two short dressers to use, but they were a bit pricey so I don't know that we'll get them. If not, I will turn to Facebook Marketplace and source a changing table and decide on whether or not to get a dresser.

I'm tired. I don't know what I'm writing or why. I believe I'm finally ready for another nap before church. Then maybe I can get a nap after church and before todays baby shower. My thoughts aren't even making logical sense right now. I'm going to stop and I'll blog again another time.

Further Exploration of New Years Resolutions

Wow. So I just did a quick review of the posts I've made this month, and I'm still so surprised and struck by how early I began thinking about 2019 Goals... I NEVER think about my resolutions this early!! Yet here I am again with another post exploring the concepts of 2019 Resolutions...

So to recap what I've already published:

One goal I have for 2019 is to train and prepare for my first ever half marathon. I'll be going from pregnant to post-partum to half marathon in 10 months. I've already registered, so this is something I'm definitely doing, but I want to try and be as prepared as I can be and not just "wing it" or show up without training and settle for "just" walking it.
     Another goal I have is to eat out less. That probably seems small or silly, but it's a habit I need to break/reduce/minimize. It has a very negative effect on my budget!
     I'm toying with a couple of words to define my year -- debating between Thankful and Grateful. I know, basically the same word. I just haven't decided which one I want to really settle on. But a part of that is extending my gratitude to others for their roles and impact on my life. I want to make at least one person a month feel special, appreciated, valued for who they are in a way that maybe they haven't been recognized before. It won't be a big gesture -- just a nice hand written card, but one that comes deep from the heart.

So what kind of self care do I want to gift myself next year?
- More hiking!! I want to go to Hanging Rock State Park and explore more parks in the mountains. There is something about being in the mountains, in the peace and quiet, beneath the trees (and sometimes above the trees when I reach the peak), that grounds me...
- A trip out West to visit some of the National Parks Dad loved and had planned for us to see together. I dont know if this is a realistic goal for this year, but it's one I want to cross off in the near future!
- More yoga. I'd like to try and find at least five minutes a day to practice yoga. Maybe as just a breathing/meditation exercise. Maybe stretching. Maybe a quick flow. Or maybe I spend five minutes breathing and it grows into a full on hour long practice. But five minutes is the goal I want to set. Five minutes because yoga is an act of self care, and I want to keep it in that realm and not turn it into a fitness goal. I want yoga to remain calming, transformative, quiet, and a haven -- mentally, emotionally, and physically.

         My Sunday School class and I are doing a study together: Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. At first I was not too enthused about this study, but it was the one everyone wanted to do so I didn't say anything against it. But oh man has it been good so far!!  One of the themes of the study (the obvious theme lol) is identifying the things in our lives that are Goliaths (road blocks, intimidations, fears, failures, etc) to our spiritual growth and faith. This last week, the concept of how I use my time and what I focus on were the Goliaths that came to my attention. I realized just how much time I waste watching mindless TV that I really don't care about. And it stirred a deep desire within me to be better with my time and what I focus on.
          So in 2019, I want to spend less time looking at TV/computer screens during my free time and more time doing everything else. Quilting. Home-making. Mothering. Reading. Reading the Bible. 

        Maybe "be more intentional" is a good summary of all my 2019 goals. Because when you look at everything I want to do, that's really what it comes down to. Being more intentional with my time! Being more intentional with my self-care. Being more intentional with getting outdoors. Being more intentional with my running. Being more intentional with my eating. Being more intentional with my Bible study and time spent with God.

Vacation Reflections

Today is the last day of our 11 day long vacation from work. I had honestly under-estimated how badly I needed this time off and this time away from the daily grind. But now that it's coming to an end, I'm so NOT ready to go back to work. LOL.

Daniel and I originally took this time off with the intention of taking a few days for a road trip to Pennsylvania to explore Gettysburg and Amish country. We'd not taken an actual vacation all year, and Daniel and my Dad were supposed to visit Gettysburg this fall. But with Dad's death, that obviously didn't happen and I volunteered to go with Daniel to Gettysburg in Dad's stead.

But the closer we got to our time off, the less confident we felt about making that trip. Financially we're STILL recovering from the last year (paying to move my sister, the added expenses of my sister/nephew on our utilities, Dad's death and all the driving/moving/eating that went with that, putting down the new flooring in the house). And with me being pregnant and finances will only get more and more tight, we really didn't feel confident to take a road trip/vacation. Not to mention we hadn't done any Christmas shopping so were facing the financial pressures and stresses of the holiday gift giving season. So we agreed to cancel our road trip and to just enjoy a stay-cation.

The second reason we took this week off was because our Christmas Celebration calendar was insane this year. We had 11 Christmas gatherings this year. ELEVEN!! To help mitigate stress and allow us to (hopefully) actually be able to enjoy the holiday season, we needed to take the time off to prepare and have time to breathe in between events. And I have to say -- what a difference it makes to be on vacation with all these gathering responsibilities.

For the last five years, I've been sick every Christmas. In hindsight, I'm attributing it to the fact that I wasn't on vacation during Christmas and was rushing from gathering to gathering while working and getting minimal sleep.

This was the first year I successfully avoided getting sick for Christmas! It was glorious!

We were also able to attend 9 of the 11 gatherings and be prepared for all of them. If we had not taken vacation, we would only have been able to attend 5. Although I think next year we will need to curtail our attendance to ALL these events. It's just so much!

But Christmas gatherings aside, we were able to get some real REST. Which was amazing. And we were able to get some things done around the house. We got all the furniture out of the guest room. Daniel finally got all his work gear out of the guest room. We purchased paint to transform the guest room into the nursery, and starting the painting process.   But mainly, we were able to rest.

After a year of insanity, crisis after crisis, stress, emotion, and pregnancy --  having that time to rest was so desperately needed. Every other time we'd taken off of work this year was to manage a crisis. First my sister -- moving her from Upstate SC in with us. Then my Dad's death in May. I took off two days in July to emotionally decompress from Dad's death. Then I took a weekend off in October to go to a quilt retreat that ended up with me leaving early because the beds were SO BAD that it threw my back out and I had to go home. So yeah. Not much fun this year. Not any real time off this year.

Self Care: intentional/preventive vs last minute

Have you ever heard of Mirna Valerio?

Okay, if not, you need to check her out:
National Geographic introduces Mirna Valerio
Mirna's Facebook Fan Page
Mirna's Website
Mirna's Instagram Page

She is pretty much amazing and basically my hero. And I follow her on every platform I can. Mostly because she is inspiring, real, relatable, and encouraging. I love having a woman who is big like me doing big things in the world of running. No longer do I feel alone about being a big girl who wants  to run. THERE IS A WHOLE COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE LIKE ME. We are called the Fat Girls Running, and yes we have a facebook group. ;)  Where we come together with passion for running, a place to express our insecurities, a place to ask questions we would otherwise feel awkward asking, a place to encourage one another and cheer each other on. It's basically the best -- and so inspiring to see women like me achieving goals and running long races. I've never been so motivated to run in my life. And I've been doing it more and more regularly. :)


Any way, today Mirna made a post on her instagram that caught my attention and made me stop and think. Mirna asked: "Have you figured out what kind of self-care you'll be gifting yourself [next year]?"

I've literally never asked myself this question. Ever.

I fully believe in self care. But it's often a last minute, what am I going to do today for self care? kind of question. I don't pre-plan or goal plan my self care. It's literally me trying to figure out how to pamper myself on whatever leftover time or money I have, and usually this problem solving venture is when I am far beyond stressed out and overwhelmed. It's not a preventive/pre-emptive practice.

So maybe Mirna has a point -- maybe I'm approaching self-care all wrong.

Maybe I need to make self-care intentional. Planned. I need to approach it as more of a gift to myself instead of just one more box to tick off my to do list for the week.

So what kind of self care do I want to gift myself next year?
- More hiking!! I want to go to Hanging Rock State Park and explore more parks in the mountains. There is something about being in the mountains, in the peace and quiet, beneath the trees (and sometimes above the trees when I reach the peak), that grounds me...
- A trip out West to visit some of the National Parks Dad loved and had planned for us to see together. I dont know if this is a realistic goal for this year, but it's one I want to cross off in the near future!
- More yoga. I'd like to try and find at least five minutes a day to practice yoga. Maybe as just a breathing/meditation exercise. Maybe stretching. Maybe a quick flow. Or maybe I spend five minutes breathing and it grows into a full on hour long practice. But five minutes is the goal I want to set. Five minutes because yoga is an act of self care, and I want to keep it in that realm and not turn it into a fitness goal. I want yoga to remain calming, transformative, quiet, and a haven -- mentally, emotionally, and physically.