I've made it to the 6 month mark of pregnancy. I'm feeling a lot of things these days, lol.
Lots of emotions -- most prevalent is the need/desire to cry. Thankfully the need to cry has come forward during mostly socially acceptable moments. But there has been a lot of crying; something I don't consider to be something I do very often. I've cried during commercials. TV shows (especially if it's about the death of a parent or a father/daughter bond). Facebook videos (most recently the video of Winnie the Pooh being patient and interacting with and loving on a special needs boy at WDW). Even pictures or short videos of dogs have brought me to tears. And the weirdest one so far -- crying during Great British Baking Show (series 9 on Netflix) when they announced the winner. Lots of tears.
I've also been feeling exhausted and physically limited. I've always been a go-getter, a do-er, a "no rest for the weary" type of person. When Dad was alive (cue tears), he would always laugh and shake his head when I told him what my plans were for the day or what I'd done. He'd always respond with something like "I'm exhausted just hearing about it." Well now that I'm at this stage of the pregnancy, I am finding that I just can't do like I used to. I'm relying much more heavily on my husband for certain things. I'm finding that I have to ask for a lot more help on a daily basis. On one hand I find this immensely frustrating -- being more dependent on others. But on the other hand, I am so so grateful that I have a husband who is recognizing my limitations and is quick to jump in and help. For example, we hosted a Thanksgiving dinner at the house this weekend, and we were in charge of the turkey. Based on initial guest list, I bought a 19 pound turkey. This was beyond what my back and my body was able to handle on its own, so Daniel became my sous chef and we worked together to get that bird cooked. And we did a dang good job of it! But I would have seriously struggled (and probably failed) at getting that done had it not been for Daniels help.
Along with the exhaustion has come the body aches. They have just begun and will only get worse these next few months, but their presence cannot be denied. It hurts to go from seated to standing. Or to roll over in bed. Or to bend down and pick something up off the floor (thankfully if I drop something in Daniels presence, he jumps to pick it up for me). My back aches. My glutes ache. My hamstrings ache. My hips ache. My upper back aches (from having to sleep in an elevated position). I am finding more and more comfort in piling pillows around me like a cocoon. I sleep with four pillows. I sit surrounded by at least three pillows. Pillows are my friend.
And with the body aches has also come the heart burn. I'd never really had heart burn until pregnancy, but apparently this is common. It's also awful. I can handle the dull, bottom-of-the-throat burn when I'm awake. But what is the absolute worst is when I wake up choking and aspirating on stomach acid. It takes me hours to calm the burn and stop the coughing when this happens. Not fun at all.
While a lot of "not fun" side effects of pregnancy have arrived, one "fun" side effect of pregnancy has arrived to help negate the bad -- we can finally feel kicks from the outside. I've been feeling movement internally for a while now. But now they can be felt from the outside, too. In fact, Daniel felt a kick for the first time ever tonight. And his face lit up. So that's pretty cool. I'm really not looking forward to when it looks like an alien moving underneath my skin, but there's nothing I can do to avoid that stage.
I'm grateful that my pregnancy ended up being timed the way that it did -- the longest and most uncomfortable stage (the third trimester) will be filled with annual events that I pray will help the time pass more quickly. First, the holiday season. Then in January, my two weekends off will be filled with baby showers. Then February will come the nesting and birth month. To echo my dad: "I'm exhausted just hearing about it." But I do hope all the busy-ness will make it pass more quickly.
My pregnancy belly has popped. And thankfully it's no longer quite so lumpy. Until last week, I had a "B" shaped baby bump, which just made me look fatter. But this week it seems to have rounded out some and is developing into more of a "D" bump. I'm not sure if I look "bigger" than I'm supposed to at 6 months, but I feel pretty dang good about my bump. I've only gained 5 pounds so far, so while I feel large, I also feel good about the large that I am.
I'm doing my best to keep active. I'm trying to exercise three times a week, though the intensity of my workouts vary. Some days I feel up to a HIIT workout. Somedays I feel up to a walk/run on the treadmill. But some days all I can muster is a gentle, restorative yoga stretch session. And some weeks (like last week), I can't muster a workout at all.
I do want to rant for a little bit, though... Since becoming pregnant, I have realized a lot about Moms. And I use that generally. Everything I'm going to rant about is a generalization. Not *every* Mom has been like this. But I have been so surprised at just how many have been like this...
Moms are constantly on social media demanding respect. Demanding no judgement for how they are raising their children. Demanding that their individual view be honored as law because they're a Mom. And I get it. Motherhood is thankless, exhausting, self-sacrificial, frustrating, overwhelming, dirty, hard work. But what has surprised me so much is just how many Moms have a smug, better-than-thou, look-down-my-nose-at-you, you-have-no-valid-thought-because-you're-only-pregnant attitude. Which I think is crazy considering how much Moms demand kindness and patience from the general public and non-Moms.
It's been infuriating how many women have belittled me with their condescension, "advice" (which is really just condescension disguised as "help"... I've had plenty of fabulous, genuine, kind, real advice/help, but I've had wayyyyy too much of the "advice" I'm referring to here), you-dont-count attitude without provocation. I literally ran into a friend of mine at Target recently and went to say hello. She was there with her husband and son. Her son was having a fussy day, which I didn't even really notice because hey, it's a kid and kids have fussy days and that's okay (and on that note, let's just recognize that adults have fussy days too!). And she goes "Oh you just wait... You're going to have so many of these days." Like, um? Okay? Duh? Why was that superiority and condescension necessary? I was literally just saying hello and wasn't even fazed and didn't even really notice her son being fussy.
I can't make a single post on social media about pregnancy frustrations without someone commenting with "It's only going to get worse." or "This is nothing -- wait until they're born." or "LOL (insert know it all comment that completely dismisses my current situation)." It's just asinine.
Or when one of my mom friends comments about her frustration, and I make a practical suggestion -- it's met with responses of "hahahahahahaha like i have time for that." Really?! If it doesn't work for you okay, but why so much negativity and hate and dismissiveness and superiority?! Whatever happened to If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Whyyyyy do women constantly attack and belittle one another?!
And even then... some of my Mom friends will ask me a question about the impending future (maybe something innocent like "have you thought about the nursery?" or "have you picked a car seat?") with the intention of responding to my answer with some sort of snotty advice. For example, "have you thought about the nursery?" with my response being "yep" leads to snotty advice like "well make sure you go with neutral walls or you'll be repainting that room in six years." Like why is that necessary?!
As a result of these interactions, I'm pretty much no longer posting anything about my pregnancy on social media. I no longer comment or respond to other peoples posts about motherhood (which is honestly just seems to be an endless stream of their complaints where they want NO responses of help, and ONLY want responses of pity). I no longer solicit advice or help to the world of social media -- I have two mom friends who have been nothing but kind and patient and non-superior with my questions so I ask them directly and privately or just go to google.
It's just really sad and disappointing, this "Mom Club." A group that should be welcoming and supportive is instead judgmental, negative, and constantly clamoring for superiority over another. It doesn't encourage me. I have no desire to "break into" the club and become a part of this particular style of club. As a mom you are naturally feisty and protective of your cub. But there is no need for such negativity toward a tender young heart who is entering the world of Motherhood.
I am just grateful for the two Mom friends I have who have not treated me this way. And yes, you read that right: TWO. smdh.
